


through the end of the world

by walshisaweedbrain



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, little angst, they really are just tender babies, trying to catch up with a fucked up world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:13:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23584405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walshisaweedbrain/pseuds/walshisaweedbrain
Summary: Alicia doesn't know if love is a survivor, just like the two of them. Maybe it needs to be molded again from scratch, day after day.But there is one thing she is sure of: she wants to find out with Elyza.-or Alicia finds out where Elyza goes at night when she can't sleep.
Relationships: Alicia Clark/Elyza Lex
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	through the end of the world

**Author's Note:**

> A little jump back to S2, when the Clark family was still on Strand's boat and Elyza is their +1. 
> 
> I wrote this little one-shot back when S2 of Fear was actually airing, but since it was originally in Italian I just recently decided to translate it and add it. 
> 
> Small disclaimer: I do not own FTWD and its characters and I certainly do not claim any rights over the people impersonating them. This is a work of fiction and it should be taken as such. I am also aware that Elyza Lex is not a character present in the show, but hey a girl can dream.
> 
> Now, no more boring introductions and I hope you will have a nice ride along!

Alicia does not always manage to spend the night in complete bliss. Sleep doesn’t come so easily since that epidemic broke out. Rest no longer seems to provide such comfort, even knowing that she is safe with her family on Strand's yacht.

And she wonders if it's the same for Elyza.

For several nights, she has heard her stirring in the room next to hers; the trashing of blankets loud enough to penetrate her light sleep and make her aware of what was going on.

Not that it annoys her... Alicia finds a sort of relief in knowing that she is not the only one who cannot close her eyes with tranquility.

But she isn't sure what the causes of Elyza's insomnia are. Whether it is the outbreak, the awareness of not having a family, the pangs in her chest while she looks at Alicia reunited with her people, or whether it is the inner demons that devour her without leaving a way out.

Alicia only knows that after the third night, she wants to follow her. She has no idea if Elyza simply takes long walks on the deck, or if she stands with her head sunk between her knees crying - Alicia has never heard her sobs, but that doesn't mean she considers it an implausible option.

She finds her on the highest part of the boat, the one from where they usually lookout during the day, hoping for other signs of life. They are usually surrounded by open sea, sometimes a coast in the vicinity, but there seems to be no other life form.

Every now and then Alicia wonders how she would react if she found out that they were the only humans still alive - or not turned back from the dead -.

She knows that it is a stupid thought, there must be other people, they must still be there and she is sure of this, but sometimes - _only sometimes_ \- her dreams are tormented by that possibility and they quickly transform into nightmares.

She doesn't want to think about it now though. Now her mission is simply to reach Elyza by making as little noise as possible. While using all the necessary precautions - climbing the stairs with feathery steps, holding the breath in her throat - Elyza notices her presence.

She does not turn her head, does not alter the frequency of her own breathing, does not move her eyes from the dark sky dotted with stars. Instead, she just opens her mouth to articulate a simple question.

"Shouldn't you be in bed?"

Alicia winces because she was truly convinced that she had succeeded in her plan.

But she should be used to it by now, Elyza Lex is a constant surprise.

"I could not sleep." is the younger woman’s answer.

"Afraid that someone will eat you in your sleep?" Elyza quips ironically.

"You're not funny." Alicia replies, arms crossed over her chest.

Elyza turns to face her.

Taking her blue eyes off the starry mantle seems almost a sin, but - admittedly - Alicia's face is just as beautiful.

"I wasn't trying to be funny."

"Weird... you're usually the one trying to get the joke out of any situation, no matter how drastic it is." retorts the brunette and Elyza hints at a smile by curving her lips and sits up on her elbows in a swift motion.

"When the world turns into a giant hell hole ready to devour you, you have to make the best of what's left."

"I wonder how you do it..." Alicia murmurs in genuine confusion, shaking her head.

"To do what?" Elyza rises to her feet and takes a few steps closer to Alicia.

"To be so... so-“

"Wonderful? Incredible?"

Alicia glares at her.

"I was going to say optimistic, calm, but I think I will now go for an idiot."

Elyza chuckles and shrugs, "You hurt my feelings, buttercup."

"Does Elyza Lex have feelings? I’m shocked.”

The blonde taps her chin with two fingers before answering, then lets out an almost theatrical sigh.

"Maybe Elyza Lex doesn't... but just-Elyza yes."

“What does that even mean?" Alicia is about to fold her arms again, but Elyza is faster and catches both of Alicia’s wrists between her hands in a gentle grasp.

"Alicia," she whispers, now just a step away from her, "I know the chaos of this world is driving you mad, but you can't hope to put everything back in its place... you can't think to do that with people." Elyza murmurs with the kindest voice Alicia has ever heard.

When did she allow Elyza to get so close to her?

Alicia wonders when her heart started to beat faster. Elyza never had that effect on her before, or maybe she did? Has she really just tried to ignore those feelings all this time?

"I'm not even sure I can put myself back together, Elyza." she whispers against the blonde's hand, the same hand that has gone up to caress her soft cheek.

Elyza's skin is fresh and has a particular smell that is hers alone. Alicia wouldn't know how to define it, a mixture between strong leather and a fresh batch of cookies at the same time. She isn't even sure it makes sense.

Elyza gives her a sympathetic smile and slips a hand into Alicia’s, slowly intertwining their fingers.

"Come on," she guides her silently to the same spot where she was previously lying down and speaks only after they both sit. "You will like this." she points to the sky with her index finger.

Alicia takes several seconds to breathe deeply and admire the simplicity of that starry night, it was worthy of a painting.

"Is this where you spend your nights when you wake up and can't sleep anymore?" she suddenly questions.

Elyza raises an eyebrow with surprise, but her trademark smirk appears right after.

"I see that the zombie apocalypse didn't stop stalkers from doing what they do best." she teases.

Alicia smiles and nudges the blonde on the ribs with her elbow and Elyza withdraws, but not in pain.

The touches that Alicia reserves to her are almost never just for her really, they are rather casual and necessary. So Elyza cannot hide the expression of amazement that is painted on her face when Alicia spontaneously rests her head on her chest.

The blonde sighs and lets her fingers gently entangle in the girl's chestnut hair, absently caressing her along the neck. The lazy movements earn her a whimper of approval from Alicia, and Elyza is ready to continue for the rest of the night just to hear it again.

"You didn't answer my question anyway." the younger woman makes her aware.

Elyza sighs again and turns her eyes back to the sky.

"Most of the time, yes... it helps to clear my mind. I guess I can't always keep bad thoughts out." she admits with the hint of trembling in her voice.

"Thoughts or memories?"

Elyza just lowers her head to that question, her lips barely brush Alicia's head and she leaves a kiss on top of it with the same lightness of a feather.

"Both of them."

Alicia rises, planting her palms on the deck floor until she is at the same height as the blonde's face.

"Do you ever draw them?"

"Drawing what?" Elyza asks confused.

"Your memories." Alicia replies without stopping to stare her straight in the eyes.

Elyza nods and reaches out to retrieve her sketch pad. One of the few things she always kept in her backpack, even during that outbreak. She gestures for Alicia to open it.

"Are you sure?" the brunette asks for fear of invading a space still too private for Elyza.

Elyza shrugs and confirms with another nod, "You're the only one I genuinely trust on this boat, and I can't run away from what's inside my head for a long time, so yes Alicia, I'm sure. I hope you won't be the one to cut the rope after seeing the real me. "

Alicia gives her a gentle smile and lifts the hardcover of the sketchbook, carefully leafing through the first drawings.

There is the figure of a proud and smiling woman in the arms of a man who holds her tight. They seem happy. They are happy, Alicia realizes.

"Those are my parents." clarifies Elyza.

There is no particular tone in her words, perhaps a mere resignation.

"Where are they? I mean... where were they when all this started?"

Elyza clears her throat before answering, "In Australia, my mother was a surgeon, she was so passionate about what she was doing, so confident..."

Alicia isn't sure, but part of her could swear she saw Elyza fight back her tears.

"My father, he was an aerospace engineer, he always tried to save the situation, no matter how lost a cause seemed to be, there was always another possibility for him."

Elyza remains silent for the next few seconds, while Alicia continues to stare at her parents' portrait.

"They were the ones who taught me most of the things I know now, my mother in the medical field and my father for self-defense.” a poignant pause, “And then there's my little brother, Aden." Elyza gestures for her to turn the page.

There is the drawing of a blond boy of about ten years, features similar to Elyza’s.

"I don't know where they are, or if they are still alive or…” the blonde lets the words drag purposefully, “and this thing, the not knowing, the possibility that they are still out there trying to reach me, looking for me, is what drives me crazy, Alicia."

There is another pause, but this time the brunette can distinctly hear Elyza sniffle and a few tears fall from her blue eyes.

"I try to tell myself that there is nothing I can do to reach them, and even if I do get to my old house in Australia, they would probably not be there. There is only a sliver possibility against millions that I can meet them- but the doubt, that's what makes it impossible for me to close my eyes for long. "

Alicia does not wait any longer, she can’t, so she closes the sketch pad and wraps Elyza in an intense and tight hug. She can feel the blonde's forehead pressed against her neck and warm tears moisten her skin, but she doesn't care. She just wants Elyza to feel free to talk to her, she just wants to help her bring out what's been sitting on her chest for weeks.

"Shh... it's all right, Elyza, it's all right, I promise you." Alicia whispers in her ear, and it is so strange because those were the words that Elyza addressed to her when she saved her and they met for the first time.

Alicia is not sure of what she can actually promise, their chances are also pretty low at the moment, but she can’t let Elyza feel that way a second more. She holds the blonde close until she hears the sobs quiet and the tears stop flowing.

She tries to move, but notices that Elyza's arms have also slipped around her waist and she is pressing Alicia’s body against hers.

"Stay here, please." the blonde murmurs, her lips grazing Alicia’s her neck.

Alicia shivers but says nothing, she just remains in that position and places a series of kisses on Elyza's forehead.

Her actions must not go unnoticed, however, because he feels Elyza's mouth move and gently kiss every inch of skin she encounters back. When she reaches the point just below the ear, Alicia's breath accelerates and a faint moan leaves her throat.

Elyza detaches herself from her, stares at Alicia’s sculpted features, Elyza’s own eyes still bright and red with tears but also very blue.

She alternates her gaze between Alicia's irises and her full, inviting lips.

It's like a tacit agreement between them, because they don't really need other words, but they desperately need each other.

Their lips meet halfway and it is a hungry and sweet kiss at the same time. It is the chaos before stillness. It is anger at everything they had to leave behind, for the people they have not been able to save. It is the relief found even during the end of the world. It is a desire for survival, a quiet promise to return every night and to sink again in that warm embrace. It is the realization that life shouldn’t just be about surviving and they deserve better than that.

It's just a kiss, but it's enough for them. It's just Elyza and Alicia together.

When they break apart it is merely for lack of oxygen. Elyza caresses Alicia’s cheeks with both palms, as if she wants to make sure that the beautiful girl is still there in front of her, and she is not going to disappear any moment.

And Alicia cannot help but gently rub the tip of her nose against Elyza's, her gesture is so innocent and childlike to earn a sincere smile from the blonde.

"Alicia?" Elyza calls in a whisper, almost as if she is afraid of ruining everything.

"Hmm?"

“If the end of the world is with you, then I guess I can take it.”

And Alicia can't refrain from kissing her again.

*******

When they wake up, just a few hours later, dawn is in sight.

Alicia is the first to be awoken by the sound of waves. The horizon stands out in the distance and the sun is starting to peep out from the immensity of the ocean.

She looks down and finds Elyza still asleep, her closed eyelids and her regular breathing, her cheeks still bear some traces of tears, but the blonde's face is calm. Alicia would dare to say that she looks peaceful.

She hopes to always be there with Elyza when they both need to silence their demons. She _wants_ to be there with Elyza. She will not let the whole world take away the warmth of her embrace or the sweetness of her lips or the comfort and security that her mere presence can provide.

Her focus is so deep toward the beautiful view in front of her that she does not immediately notice the arms sliding around her waist and the soft kiss on her cheek.

“Good morning, sweetheart." greets Elyza with her usual smile.

Alicia turns slightly and leaves a short kiss on her lips.

"Were you able to sleep well?" she asks, leaning her head back on Elyza's chest.

"With you beside me yes." the blonde murmurs, her nose immersed in brunette locks, "You smell so good." she whispers in her ear.

Alicia feels a - _now_ \- familiar shiver run down her spine.

"It's a wonderful sight, isn't it?" with a finger she points at the horizon colored by the sunrise.

Elyza nods but she doesn't take her eyes off Alicia’s face, "Definitely wonderful."

"Elyza, the view is there."

"Are you sure? Because I don't see anything more beautiful than the girl in my arms right now." the blonde replies.

Alicia laughs and shakes her head, "If I die of diabetes, you should know it was your fault, Lex."

"Can I say it's a risk I'm willing to take, Clark?"

Alicia does not respond, she just lifts her chin and captures the other woman’s lips in a more passionate kiss. Elyza's tongue brushes against her lower lip, asking for permission, and Alicia opens her mouth without hesitation.

The long sigh of pleasure is what forces them to break away and realize where they still are.

Alicia returns to take in the view in front of her and Elyza whispers in her ear.

"Alicia, can I be the one to help you putting the pieces back together?" she asks her with that kindness that she reserves only for Alicia.

The brunette takes a deep breath and places her mouth to the back of Elyza's hand.

"Even if we have to go against the end of the world?"

Elyza nods against her shoulder, "Even going against the end of the world.” she promises.

*******

Alicia doesn't know if love is a survivor, just like the two of them. Maybe it needs to be molded again from scratch, day after day.

But there is one thing she is sure of:

she wants to find out with Elyza.

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it 'til here, then I hope you enjoyed it and I can only thank you for your time!
> 
> Hasta luego! :')


End file.
